Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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