it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
