Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
