omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I would fuck him just for his dog
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize