You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need to align my fucking chakras
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
