there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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