i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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