My Higher Power is John Stamos
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Randomize
