i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This is the high leading the old right now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
