i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
