we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't turn off my feet"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
