ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize