i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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