I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
