So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize