Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
