first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
