atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize