I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize