i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
