put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
