i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
