Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize