Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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