sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
PANTIES FOUND
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