I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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