Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
