Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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