DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
