my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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