You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
