What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
