highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We are all done wearing pants today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
