You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
