i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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