dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
