After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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