Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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