I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
