guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
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