I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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