im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
