At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
