After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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