OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
