Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You took a bar mat shot.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
