I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
