then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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