i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't deserve a penis
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
