Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sorry my hands just texted you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
