All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
