Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
