I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Bring me that man meat
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
