I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
