I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize