Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
