So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
