Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
