There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
