I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
