There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
