hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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