how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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