don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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