dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize