i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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