Screwed.edu
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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