Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
