I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
