dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The adults are the big ones right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
