the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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