My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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