It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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