i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
