sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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