Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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