Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
