Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
