Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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