It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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