it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize