Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
