I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
