Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
time to smoke my breakfast
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
