Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
