Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize