ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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