Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
