Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
