i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
